As cheesy and romanticized it might sound but when I am in the woods, strolling through the trees, laying in the soft green moss with the sun shining on my face, I feel home. I feel like this is where I belong to, the place where I am in peace. I don’t know what it is about the forest but it makes me feel eased and calm. Whenever I feel stressed out or need to let my thoughts fly for a while I go for a walk into the woods. I leave my sorrow somewhere between pines and mushrooms, the trees listen and gently comfort me.
After living in Finland for eight months, I feel like a homeless now – I don’t know where I belong anymore. For a long time already, I didn’t feel like I belong to my hometown in Germany anymore, but still, it was my home, where I grew up, where my family was, where I kept memories. But now I am here. I found friends. Even a person that is more than just a friend to me. I collected memories, so many. I grew into this country day by day.
Every day that my departure back home comes closer, I wonder how to deal with these feelings. This feeling of being homeless and not belonging anywhere. I have no stable home here, but I don’t feel like returning to my family house either. I love my family and I am looking forward to see them again after such a long time apart, but there is nothing that pulls me back to my hometown. There is nothing I look forward to, nothing it gives to me.
Nevertheless, this showed me where I wanna be. The North, which has always been the place I felt connected to, became a place I want to be. I realized where I want to put roots later in my life and I made a lot of experiences which made me develop myself and my idea of living my life. Saying goodbye is never easy if you have to leave things behind that mean a lot to you. It hurts.
I guess this is something many people feel like. We want to travel the world and see places but we also long for a home we can return to. I still haven’t found a balance or a way to deal with it. All I know is that I don’t wanna leave friends behind, I don’t wanna leave.
But I have to and life goes on like it always does. And new people will enter your life. The world is a big place and so small at the same time. We will always be close, although we are far apart. I think that’s okay – and I will come back. I will find my home, I am sure. It’s just not time yet.
Until then, I will lay in the moss.