Hej hej, dear ones! I wanted to start this post with “I am sorry it took me so long to write a new post” but the past couple of days I thought about what this blog means to me and I came to the conclusion that I’ve put way too much pressure on myself to keep this blog active and alive in the past months so I wanted to remind myself again that this place here is where I come to share my stories and what I wanna get rid off my heart so I should stop pressuring myself and instead start enjoying sharing my life again. So I stopped feeling bad that I haven’t shared anything for two weeks and that my life is not very spectacular right now since I am still in this space in between finishing my study and moving to Sweden. Sigh, sometimes I just slip into that negative mindset again, that I NEED to be interesting and share cool adventures so people stay here and wanna read about my stuff. But it takes all the fun! And motivation. So, I will stop thinking like that from now on… I wanna write for myself, not for others! Still, please stay, I enjoy your presence here, hihi!
But it actually brings me to a topic, which I thought about a lot the past week! My Swedish friend Maria and I talked a little about the life and business of creatives and how much pressure we put on ourselves way too often. As a creative, it sometimes is really hard not to because we depend on it somehow. The tragic death of Avicii last week opened our eyes again – we realized that we don’t put ourselves first too often. As a creative, you sometimes tend to do jobs you don’t really wanna do… because you are dependent on the money. You can’t say No, because you might not be able to pay your rent or food that month because you don’t know if you will get another client that month… it is a blessing and a curse working as an independent! So much freedom and also so much uncertainty. Tim Bergling’s story made me think about my own habits and behavior due to my work. I tend to overwork, sitting on my computer until late at night because I think I could still finish a few more photos, I am thinking about my future, work and projects 24/7 and put so much pressure on myself that my perfectionism turns into frustration and stress way too often. And even if it is REALLY really hard to change those habits and to go to bed earlier, to put the work aside since it is also my passion, and to take more time for myself not thinking about anything connected to work and business, I try to. I try to because it is so important to not break on the things you actually love, so my passions won’t turn into burdens and so my mind can work smoothly and won’t be stuffed with stress and worries. So often I suffer from insomnia because all the ideas and thoughts are bothering my mind and I just can’t calm down. I will happily live more simple and with less money and luxury, if I can live with less anxiety and stress in return. I don’t need much to be happy! Maybe I will write a bit more about all my thoughts on that topic in a separate post. But for now I just wanted to remind me and you that we have to take breaks, we have to say No to work that doesn’t suit us, we have to take care of our mental health! We all have to make a living but what brings us money if we are not able to enjoy it anymore because we are burned out?
This week has been filled with lots of work anyway since I started writing my last essay for university finally. I am almost done with it and I also went to a prof at my university to see if she can be my supervisor for my thesis – and she agreed! So I finally found a supervisor, there is not much standing in my way now anymore BUT she said she don’t want me to write about Astrid Lindgren since so many did before and I need to find a more present topic. But since she also gave me lots of ideas I think that won’t be a big problem, I might write about Artifical Intelligence, Identity or something about Transgender. We will see! I am going to look for some literature this week!
But noooow to the more exciting things! First of all, I decided to visit my friends Ingrid and Jürgen in Hamburg again next Wednesday! I will stay for a week and am soooo looking forward to a little vacation! I need to get out of my four walls and relax my mind a bit. I am so so excited because I know how happy I am and how light my mind and heart feel when I am around them! I will leave for the train right after my Swedish class on Wednesday and we already planned soo many things we wanna do together, like painting sessions, photo shoots, vlogging, cinema, cooking, and sooo much more! Just enjoying each others company. I am also looking forward to cuddling Emma and Merle, their cats, again and wake up to them on their couch in the morning!
Talking about travelling, I also talked to my friend Anna who lives in the countryside of Uppsala and will soon move back to Stockholm. She lives in a very beautiful small red cottage and since she will leave it soon to move back, she offered that I could take it over in June! OH HOW MUCH I WOULD LOVE THAT! A dream would come true! But sadly it is too expensive for me since I won’t have a job in Uppsala in the beginning and I don’t wanna use all my savings for that. It would be way easier if someone else would move in there with me so we could pay the rent together but I don’t know anybody who would do so. But since I am still stuck here with my thesis, I can’t plan properly yet anyway. Anna also mentioned some neighbors who would rent a room in Autumn so maybe I will get in there instead. We will see! But to know my possibilities is very excited already! And to dream a little how I will spend many days and summer nights with Maria, knitting, strolling through the woods, photographing and cooking together, visiting Anna in Stockholm, enjoying Summer and Autumn in Sweden, picking berries in the forests, waking up in a little old cottage… I am so excited and it makes me survive all the waiting and work here!
Busy busy with work and dreaming, hihi! I did a little photo shoot the other day as you can see one of the photos above! I did a test shoot with my camera to try out a setting and I reckon the lovely rustic colors and atmosphere so the other day I decided to take some more portraits and I’ve been so happy with the outcomes – especially because they turned out exactly how I imagined! Usually, I am someone who goes out for a photoshoot spontaneously and doesn’t really have an image in mind but get myself surprised by the outcome. But this feeling of turning an idea into reality felt so good, I wanna plan more of these shoots in the future! I am looking forward to shooting some portraits of Ingrid and my friend Miriam who lives near Hamburg as well! I wanna try things out and fill my portfolio!
Alright, I will continue working on my essay now since I didn’t manage this morning due to stupid taxes. The sun is shining through my window now and I enjoy the fresh air at my desk. I hope you have a wonderful rest Sunday and a good start to the week! Enjoy the 1st of May celebrations! Do you celebrate it in some special way?
Lots of love, Michelle
Halloooo! Ich hoffe, es geht euch allen gut! Die letzten zwei Wochen bestanden aus viel Arbeit und Grübelei! Avicii’s Tod hat mich sehr zum Nachdenken gebracht und mich daran erinnert, mir mehr Zeit für mich selbst zu nehmen und trotz Abhängigkeit, die Arbeit nicht zu meinem Leben werden zu lassen, so sehr ich sie auch liebe. Ich verbringe nun die letzten Tage vor meinem kleinen Trip nach Hamburg mit meiner letzten Hausarbeit und Literatursuche für meine Bachelorarbeit. Am Mittwoch werde ich Ingrid und Jürgen für eine Woche im Norden besuchen und freue mich schon soooooo unheimlich darauf, denn wenn ich mit ihnen zusammen bin, fühlt sich mein Herz immer so leicht an und die Welt weniger beängstigend! Ich kann es kaum abwarten! Bis dahin gibt es aber noch ein bisschen was zu tun! Habt einen wunderschönen Sonntag und einen magischen Tanz in den Mai! Liebe!