Happy Tuesday, dear ones! How are you doing? What is on your mind today? I am sitting in my flat at the moment. I’ve spent the morning with a lovely breakfast with Anna in the Brooklyn Cafe and then walked beside the ocean afterwards. We watched the waves and seagulls and the houses of Helsinki at the promenade. The sun felt so good on my skin but the wind has been a little cold today.
It is my last day in my flat today and it feels odd. While I am sitting here, looking at these four walls that became my home the past nine months, I can still remember how I entered back in September, into this empty and somehow cold room which was even missing blankets and a pillow and felt so strange to me. It turned into my warm and cosy home over the past couple of months, although it looks empty and naked again, now that there are only my suitcases left in the room. I will spend the night with some candles, watching the sunset outside of my window, remembering all the incredible sunsets I have been allowed to see, the many moons that rose above the trees at the sky, and all the magical moments I’ve spent alone and in company inside those four walls. Closing my eyes I can replay all the moments that shaped my time here in Helsinki, all the moments, good and bad.
I have never been very good at letting go. I am a dreamer, I live in the past way too much, I am a melancholic and nostalgic heart and leaving things behind isn’t my biggest strength. Although I’ve already improved the past couple of years and learned how to deal with letting things go, it is still quite a big deal for me. Especially after I finally found some friends here in Finland, it really hurts me to leave them behind now. I am good on my own, yes, but it is something special to find such true friends and good souls that you should hold onto them, and although I know that this is no goodbye forever, only temporary, it feels like it. A time of my life comes to an end, that will never exist again like it did. I can come back, I can return, but it will never be like it has been before. Life goes on and so do I. Life is not waiting – and that is something very hard to learn sometimes.
When I look back to the past years, I realize that there are always new adventures waiting for us. There are new people I will meet, new places I will fall in love with, new challenges and new opportunities are waiting for me. “One door closes and another one opens” – I guess there is something true about this saying. I said in the past that memories do hurt me instead of making me happy, but I am working on looking back with a positive mind. Yes, thinking back to all the amazing experiences I made in the past nine months makes me sad, it makes my heart as heavy as a big fat rock, but I am also smiling realizing how lucky and happy I have been. I think, saying goodbye always hurts because we leave something behind that means a lot to us. But we have to remember that things don’t disappear, it is not the end. Quite the contrary! And we never know what the future is preparing for us! Instead of looking back and being sad about what we had and what we leave behind, we should look forward and be excited about what will come! Because I am sure, it will be as exciting as the past! And remember, once you have been sad to let something go before you experienced what you have to say goodbye to now!
So many thoughts in my mind. The sadness comes in waves, but I try not to drown. I realized that it makes no sense to be sad and hiding in my bed, life goes on anyway. So I try to find a way to deal with memories and emotions and to go on! I hug you all and send you a lot of love! Saying goodbye is also saying hello to something new! Stay strong!
photos taken by Polly Balitro // edited by me