Happy Midsummer, everyone! It has been insanely hot here the past couple of days, but now it finally cooled down and the sky is covered in clouds while the wind is running through the trees in our garden. I am sitting at my window watching them, thinking.
Last night I have been randomly searching for homesteads in the north of Sweden and suddenly I’ve found the perfect cottage for me. I’ve got so excited I could not fall asleep afterwards. It is a red wooden house right in front of a sea, the forest in the backyard near a small village nearby Lapland. It looked like the perfect home for me – I could already imagine myself standing in front of the main door. And the price isn’t as high as I expected! My mind went crazy. I imagined buying this house, moving to the north of Sweden after finishing my study in Winter, living near the sea while I renovate the inside of the house, making it my home, documenting my life and process there! My heart is jumping up and down with this thought.
But of course, I have so many things to consider – financial facts, visiting the house, moving plans, my study, support by friends and family – the list is long. I was thinking about starting a crowdfunding campaign so people who would like to support me and my dream could do so and in return, I could offer insight into my life and moving there, songs and other perks. This would be all quite a big thing so I have to think about it properly.
There are two voices in my head. One of them is cheering me on to buy this house and move there as soon as possible because we both know I belong there! Now or never – why should I wait if this is what I want so desperately? But then the other voice comes in – the one that wants to destroy my little dream. It brings up all the doubt and fear. How should I finance this? Could I survive there on my own? It would include so much struggle and is not as rosy as I imagine it! You are too young, you should get a job first, a n d s o o n …
Yes, I am afraid. But it doesn’t change my excitement at all, and my wish to live that life! Yes, I know it will be hard and a lot of work, but damn I am looking forward to it. Challenges make life exciting! Yes, I could stay here forever, get an ordinary job and be unhappy for the rest of my life – because I am running from my fears. But life is so short, so so short and why should I waste it on things I don’t want? I would rather make a big mistake but go for my dreams, instead of burying them and be unhappy.
I am watching the leaves flying in the wind, how the trees are bending in the breeze. They look like green waves. What will be, will be. Things will come how they should. That’s what I’ve always believed in, but sometimes I forget. I tend to stress myself too much because I am afraid that it will be too late, that I have to act now. But I don’t, I should keep calm and let life happen.
I will keep you updated on my house-finding process and all what’s going on! I hope you are as excited as I am because I love to share passion and dreams – “happiness is only real when shar’d”. Have a wonderful weekend! I hope you are all fine and live your dreams!
Photos by Polly Balitro